..nana...

dah lama tak panggil nama nana ni....

yes nana..

i always love you...i always have u in me when i need u most when im in greatest pain now...i love you nana...i missed u nana...only God knows how deep and bad my love and my rindu for you nana....although now i dont know u ada kisah or not...doesnt matter to me...apa yang penting, i tak penah berubah walau sebesar kuman pun...im still me...biar sampai mata i pejam buat selama2nya...u tetap in me nana...there will never be others to replace you in my heart and soul....that's my word for you all these while im living with it....

nana...

you tau tak..everytime i sakit sangat2 sampai keluar airmata ni nak tahan sakit...i will always remember your words to me "im here for you"...that is the strength i kept to stay alive to fight my pain nana....kalau la u boleh rasa apa i tanggung ni nana...you would drop your tears for me...that is the thing i taknak u buat if u tau....

nana...

dah setahun we keep silent kan..entah esok2 i senyap terus tak dapat la u nak cari lagi...takpe nana, i assured my love for you will remain forever here...apa ada setahun kan...22tahun i boleh bernafas without u around me..why not satu tahun ni kan...hmmm tak sama nana...tak sama...hari ni i gagah jugak buka blog precious ni...i nak tulis kat u nana...biarpun u tak pernah tahu bout this blog...i nak u tahu jugak nanti one fine day...in case you dapat tahu...at that time entah ada i lagi ke tak...sebab ni lah i tulis semua my feelings and my thought, my explanation here nana...biar u nak kata apapun...this is the fact...from my deepest heart that u never know selama setahun ni....

nana...

i miss u so much...apatah lagi dalam keadaan i yang tak berapa elok ni...seminggu dua ni...i kerap nangis nana....sakit sangat2..kadang2 dah tak tertanggung lagi...to eased my pain...i let some of my frens tahu bout my illness...apa yang i tak suka bila kawan2 tahu is some of them react sedih, terkejut, tak boleh terima...susah hati...menangis...Ya Allah! nana...benda2 macam ni la i takmau tengok kat u if u tahu setahun dulu...betapa siksa jiwa i tengok kawan2 yang react mcm tu...macam menyusahkan idup they all...but somehow i kena let go...entahlah nana, i hope you forgive me that's all...apapun u tetap terbaik dalam idup i...i feel so happy when u around me all these 22 years...in fact now u tak ada pun, i feel happy jugak...knowing u is there alive...

nana..

biarlah u benci i sangat2 sekarang ni pun tak pe nana...i dont really mind, as long as i dont want to see u broken into pieces bila tahu i will soon leave u di satu masa dan ketika kasih kita kuat bersemi...maafkan i nana...memang jiwa tersiksa dengan perpisahan ini..amat perit nana...hanya tuhan saja yang tahu perasaan ini untuk dilalui hingga ke nafas yang ada ini...biar setiap hari i mengalir airmata untuk u nana...i rela...dari i tengok u sedih coz of me....jujur dari dalam hati ni, i'll never want u to be away from me not even a second...tapi i have to nana...i kena kuat untuk lawan perasaan ni...tapi apa kan daya, im just a normal person with feelings...bohonglah i boleh let it go like magic....

nana...

last words from me...i love you so much (i want you to know that in the 1st place)....tak kan ada siapa pun boleh ganti cinta itu...there will be none....nana, kalau umur tak panjang..please remember me in your heart always...jangan lupa i nana...i dont know how u take it now...as for me, i keep it as a beautiful moments with you..so i'll never regret it so much...

nana...

we are human..and we could never be supper perfect in every way of life we have...we made mistakes..i made mistakes...mistakes is i never want you to know that im dying....that's all....

p.s : i love you........

sikit hari lagi tahun baru...

lagi berapa hari dah nak masuk tahun baru 2011...cepat masa berlalu dalam setahun ni...hmmm let me see apa i dapat in 2010 ni ye...

dapat dugaan hebat dari Allah swt..dapat fitnah lagi dari kawan baik (baik ke dia??)hehehe..wallahualam bisawab itu ana tak dapat la nak jawab...sendiri mau ingat la...

dapat sakit dah setahun pun...tak siapa nak percaya aku ni sakit kan...kot dah nazak baru orang nak datang kata "ooooo betul la dia sakit"...very derrr poyossss....tetiap hari aku berdoa kat Allah swt supaya sembuhkan penyakit kronik ni...apapun aku redha dgn hati yang ikhlas dengan tamparan dugaan yang terhebat ini yang diberikan olehNya....

hmmm....dah genap setahun aku hilang "dia"...entahlah tak ada kata-kata lagi untuk dia...selain dari "biar satu hari nanti dia mengerti dan kenapa...dan biar Allah bukakan hati dia untuk menerima.."...aku pasrah...dan cinta aku, kasih aku, sayang aku pada dia tak penah lentur sampai bila2...masih seperti dulu2 lagi...

it has been a long silence....

such a long silence i am now...upon my condition is not in good hand right now...being so ill...and i missed tying in here...only here..in one love story...

i realised that nothing can compared with the love i have forever inside me...for the past few months i tried to ignore like nobody business with that one precious love i owed..but honestly i cant live with it...its being like an air to my breathing all these while..and how could i let it simply fly away just like that...

for a month being ill and so down under..i feel like the end of the world already..come to think sometimes is there any hope for me?..is there any chance again?..my prayers to Almighty Allah..with his willingness insyaAllah i hope for a recovery...although its spreading...my prayers has no limit to HIM..every second of my life i prayed for a recovery...guide me all the strength and keep me strong to go thru all this..although is so hard and pain for me to take it...but i accept the faith...believing and not giving up so fast is my ultimate goal now...i have to put more courage in myself right now...

believe in me...stay positive always...i dont care who doesnt care for me...coz there's a lot of frens that really cared for me...and i lost that love again...and now i found a new love...but it doesnt feel the same like my one love i had all these while...at least he cured me a lot...he gave me the support and spirit to fight my illness...thank u sham...i'll remember always...